Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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