I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
