Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
