FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
