When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
