"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
