I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
