Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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