Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
