Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
