Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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