She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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