Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
