did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
