"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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