You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
