I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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