We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
