I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
