My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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