The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
