About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
