Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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