matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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