Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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