She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was