Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
