THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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