He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
