Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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