I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
