It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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