Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
