every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
