i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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