I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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