With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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