I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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