What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
