So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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