My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
