had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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