This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
