Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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