Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
