I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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