You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
