my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
