Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
