I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
