y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
