put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
