I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
