Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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