Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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