Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
