she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
