Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
