So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
