did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
