I wish I could punch you in the face.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Everclear isn't food dammit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Shame - the story of my life.
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