you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
