2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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